Yeah. That makes sense, too. I'm honestly not sure I've ever thought about it that way before.
(This is going to be pretty incoherent, but here it goes:)
Something that troubles me is that in these conversations, there is often an implication, or even sometimes an explicit assessment, that I'm not living up to my potential (usually put in much kinder terms, but the meaning is the same). What I often hear from others is that, on some level I'm supposed to be "great", or destined to be great, or created by God to be great or whatever, and those are wonderful, encouraging things to hear (and that's how they're meant, as encouragement), but...sometimes, depending on the conversation, it also seems to suggest that I'm failing something that I a) owe to... the world? humanity? the LORD? and also b) would be totally achievable if only I just...tried hard enough, or made better choices, or (depending on who I'm talking to) was better at listening to God.
And these statements are usually made out of sincere kindness, often by people who I respect and/or who have some sort of authority in my life (like my therapist), and usually they comes in the form of an expression of confidence in me, and so on one level it's a wonderful thing to receive. But underneath that, I turn the encouragement into pressure or expectation (which is even shittier when it becomes divine pressure). At moments, it makes me really angry.
So it's helpful to step back far enough to ask where these ideas come from, and how we've defined "greatness" or success or achievement or enough, and why we value them the way that we do.
Also, the Donne quote made me tear up.
(I'm sorry if this was impossible to follow. I've been thinking about this a lot, but have never really tried to articulate it.)
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Date: 2017-07-28 02:24 am (UTC)(This is going to be pretty incoherent, but here it goes:)
Something that troubles me is that in these conversations, there is often an implication, or even sometimes an explicit assessment, that I'm not living up to my potential (usually put in much kinder terms, but the meaning is the same). What I often hear from others is that, on some level I'm supposed to be "great", or destined to be great, or created by God to be great or whatever, and those are wonderful, encouraging things to hear (and that's how they're meant, as encouragement), but...sometimes, depending on the conversation, it also seems to suggest that I'm failing something that I a) owe to... the world? humanity? the LORD? and also b) would be totally achievable if only I just...tried hard enough, or made better choices, or (depending on who I'm talking to) was better at listening to God.
And these statements are usually made out of sincere kindness, often by people who I respect and/or who have some sort of authority in my life (like my therapist), and usually they comes in the form of an expression of confidence in me, and so on one level it's a wonderful thing to receive. But underneath that, I turn the encouragement into pressure or expectation (which is even shittier when it becomes divine pressure). At moments, it makes me really angry.
So it's helpful to step back far enough to ask where these ideas come from, and how we've defined "greatness" or success or achievement or enough, and why we value them the way that we do.
Also, the Donne quote made me tear up.
(I'm sorry if this was impossible to follow. I've been thinking about this a lot, but have never really tried to articulate it.)